bigbumble (bigbumble) wrote,

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Turning 57

Tomorrow I am turning 57. Generally an unremarkable birthday, it is not even a prime number. But if I lived as long as my brother Dave, I would now be dead for a week and a half. My count down has past zero and I am still here.

My contract from Consumers Energy has arrived to sell my Solar Electricity. Today I called the company representative and went over it in detail. While there are a couple of items I'm not 100% happy with, overall I can live with it and I will sign the contract. The term of the contract is 12 years. So far this year my solar panels have generated over 210 kW hours of electricity.

I rode my tricycle around the neighborhood this beautiful sunny afternoon for the first time this year. I hope to ride it to work Wednesday.

Speaking of work. A few weeks ago I inspected a human crematory. The proprietor was on duty by himself and clearly ready for some *living* human companionship. So I learned of numerous unforgettable facts while waiting for the body of the day to arrive.

One marvelous fact is that a man's "weenie" goes erect and then shoots flame during cremation. At first I thought he was kidding me, but after he told me about a pair of giggly teen age girls witnessing the effect first hand, I was inclined to believe there may be some truth to his story. Apparently, it only happens if the man's body is naked during cremation. It is strangely comforting to know male zombies would have this super power. I will now make the request that if I am to be cremated, my body should be cremated naked and face up.

When the body arrived it was mercifully boxed up. With it came the critical paperwork including death certificate and a cremation fee of slightly less than $200. He loaded the box and contents into the oven using a motorized scissor lift table and carefully placed PVC pipe rollers. After heating up the afterburner (for air pollution control) the oven was turned on. I checked the smoke stack for visible emissions (there were none) and my job was done.

Now I have to make mighty preparations for my birthday, because there is a tomorrow.

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