bigbumble (bigbumble) wrote,

War Games and Christmas shopping

There is a certain fascination, among men and boys in particular, about war. The strategy and tactics, the fancy equipment, and the manipulation of vast human armies are all part of the attraction. When I was young all of the boys in the neighborhood played army. Battles raged over back yards and fields. I learned something important from those games. Nobody wanted to be the guy that died. It hit me from that experience that the main drawback to a real war was that people got killed, maybe even me.

I have since learned that there are things in life that have the fascination of war without the deadly drawback. Among them are Vacations, Parties, and Christmas shopping.

This past Tuesday's Christmas shopping was a prime example. I, as the Commanding General, lead my Mighty Army, Bro David, on a reconnaissance in force to the local mall. Taking lessons from ancient Greece on escaping the Labyrinth and Minotaur we follow the right hand rule on navigating the foreign land. While booty lurked in every corner of this marvelous land, we planned to follow the plan of our Viking ancestors and make a lightning raid when we located the One Great Treasure of our great crusade. At last, the Commanding General sighted the One Great Treasure. He ordered his Mighty Army to attack. Soon bits of data were flying from polymer cannons. The entrenched defender, a sales clerk, soon surrendered to the horrific onslaught of data. The One Great Treasure was ours! We made one more attack during that reconnaissance then headed out in our Ship Of The Highway. The Mighty Army encamped for a time while The Commanding General placed the One Great Treasure in a barrel of whale oil and salt for shipment to the Royal Family, the brother that lives in Ohio. The Commanding General dis-encamped the Mighty Army and we sailed the Ship Of The Highway to base of the Postmaster General for final transit to the Royal Family.

Christmas shopping is more fun than a real war, you don't get killed.

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